Football Hooligans

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Adolf Hitler(Ego-Maniac) - Schalke: The Fuhrer was reputedly a fan of Schalke, who won the German title six times while Hitler was in charge of Germany. So we checked and double-checked whether the club board between 1933 and 1945 had named a stand the 'Führer Stand', yes they did.

Idi Amin(Sub-Human) - Hayes FC: The Ugandan dictator became a fan of Hayes as a result of his years spent in the British army (in which he served for 15 years) where he was deeply impressed by a colleague who constantly talked up the achievements of the non-league West London club. The fool believed it.

Colonel Gaddafi(Idiot) - Liverpool: Among the artefacts found after the fall of the Libyan leader was a Liverpool shirt signed by then players, leading some to claim that Gaddafi was a fan of the Reds. The idea isn't actually all that far-fetched: One of Gaddafi's sons, Al-Saadi Gaddafi, was seen regularly in  The Kop.

Radovan Karadzic(Tin-Pot Nobody) - Inter Milan: The Bosnian Serb war criminal was a fan of the Serie A giants due to their signing of Serbian players Sinisa Mihajlović and Dejan Stanković. His nephew sold a story to an Italian newspaper recently that while Karadzic was still a fugitive he risked arrest by going to watch matches.

Osama Bin Laden(Rich&Insane) - Arsenal: Rumours claim that the Al Qaeda chief and mastermind of the 9/11 attacks became a fan of the north London club after watching matches at Highbury several times while visiting Britain & planning terrorist attacks.  He is also said to have bought one of his sons an Ian Wright replica of a wax dummy. Seemingly  at one point, Gunners fans took his supposed fandom well by creating a special chant: "Osama, woah-oh / Osama, woah-woah-woah-woah / He's hiding in Kabul / He loves the Arsenal."

General Franco(Onanist-chronic) - Real Madrid: The Spanish fascist leader was renowned as a fan of the Madrid club, so much so that the club came to be regarded by many almost as the official side of the regime and were referred to openly as 'Franco's “moustachioed” team'. Yet it didn't start out that way: Franco originally supported Real's arch-rivals Atletico Madrid, originally an army side, whom didn’t approve of facial hirsutism!Believe it so, and in fact his later support of Real was as much a case of the dictator jumping on the whiskers bandwagon than to bask in the club's glory in the early days of the European Cup, which they won the first five times it was played from 1956-1960.

Benito Mussolini(Who ate All the Pies?) - Bologna: The Italian fascist dictator was a staunch Bologna fan ( & he was full of Baloney ) from the time they were formed in 1909; the side thrived after he came to power in 1922, winning the Italian title in 1925, 1929, 1936, 1937, 1939 and 1941. Indeed, the club's neo-medieval stadium was heralded by Il Duce as a symbol of his beliefs, calling it, "a shining example of what can be done with a huge bowl & ingredients for making BIG PIES!”.  

Josef Stalin (Mass-Murderer ) - Dynamo Moscow: The club was set up by one of Stalin's most loyal (and feared) henchmen, KGB chief Ivan The (not as) Terrible(but still quite bad) Beria, and was effectively KGB United for several decades. Football was a big deal to Uncle Joe: when the USSR lost an Olympic match to Yugoslavia in 1952, a furious Stalin ordered the army's CSKA Moscow team (which had supplied most of the players) to be sent to Siberia to his “holiday” camps.

Nicolae Ceausescu (Anal Retentive) - Steaua Bucharest: The Romanian side was actually owned by the national army prior to the 1989 revolution, and Ceausescu supported and enabled the enforced hairstyle of the players - among them Gheorghe Hagi and Gheorghe Popescu  without the agreement of either the players or  original clubs.: remember the forced front combed look? It was a policy that helped Steaua win the league for six consecutive seasons in the 1980s, collect the European Cup in 1986, and set a European record of 104 matches unbeaten in the league. With those hair-do’s , you couldn’t blame ‘em! Keep’emPeeled.

Witches Of Pendle

A COTTAGE believed to be linked to a famous group of 17th-century English witches and a mummified cat were unearthed by workmen in Lancashire, northern England. Water engineers found the 17th-century cottage during excavations in Pendle, and experts think it could be connected to the famous Pendle Witches, a group of 16 women tried for witchcraft in 1612. Malkin Tower was said to be the site of a notorious meeting between the witches on Good Friday in 1612. Keep'emPeeled.

Uranus & Neptune 2 giant balls ( of gas )

Beyond, there is Uranus ( say the word quickly so it doesn't sound like a moronic joke ) & Neptune.They are 2 huge balls (I kid U not) made of gas. They orbit our star Sol. This is what we seriously call The Outer Limits ( of our system ). Neptune is blue as it is made of methane (. Very stinky, don't go there on holiday ). Buddies of Sir Patrick Moore, Christ Lintoot & BruceLee Felcher were using the onboard cam of Voyager2 when it did a few turns ( orbits ),around these magnificent gas giants. Uranus has a beautiful greenish tint. While Neptune has an azure blueness that quite simply cannot be expressed in words. U gotta go there to appreciate it; I'd stay at 5,000 KMs' out ; else you get sucked out into deep space due to the warp field array left by the Andromedian aliens. So far, so good. OK, I know, Ur gonna say they're boring 'coz there's no storms or volcanos & so forth but wait! OK? Look towards the north pole and you can see that I formed an S shape on Uranus ( pic#1no mean feat! ). There was however some after Fx on the rest of planet. With incredible stuff at the south pole &, wait 4 it,.. A new ring! Not as huge and astounding as say Saturn's, but nice to eye; provided U go have a peek with a telescope such as the Hubble Or the excellent Hampstead Observatory( which can be hired in red glare ferocity for mere bagatelle to all men of this world ).           So, what about Neptune ( the Old Man Of Time ) ,I hear from the snearing cowards up in the Gods? Well abuse asides, it took 3 atomic hydrogen bombs to get the Fx I was  after. Boy, them suckers take lots of heavy metal! Wear regulation rad-glasses or retina burn out means a lotta op's. Check out the red glares of these 3 huge doodahs! Maid In Heaven! Play Be-Bop Deluxe track of same name to be in the same frame ( of mind ).    U see, Uranus takes 8 Earth years give or take a few par-secs for its Solar year. So a season lasts for 2 years Earth-time & et al.  [Oh, check out this page soon 4 BlackDonalds news ].  & Stop laughing about Uranus! It's a planet with a funny name OK! Let's move on. Soon U come 2 the Virgin Plains of Neptune ( where I dropped the clangers ). Bright red & lots of after-burn 3 whoppers! ; pic#2,3. Triton a satellite( moon ) of Neptune, is a vast  metallic sphere where many craters give it a look not dissimilar to Earth's Moon. Geezers R regularly going off there to shoot their load & it's got volcanos' . Just be sure no-ones looking chaps? Jokes aside, it's an exciting place 2Go B4 U get sucked into the vortex I mentioned earlier. Paul Able another pal of the great Sir Patrick who does lots for charity & is an authority on the subject. He says " What AstroNutter has done is put Uranus back on the star-map, his bold planet aRt must held in the highest of esteem! Never since the time of Herschell has anyone given so much to our profession!" & so forth ( check podcast on iTunes 4 in depth interview). Uranus can currently be seen in the northern hemisphere just below the Pisces circlet ( the green hue) as a bright star-like object not to be confused with the Great Square of Pegasus.         Moving closer in the storms on Saturn bear close scrutiny as so it's satellite Europa where life swirls in its deep oceans. Mars! Yes, what of the grand old chum of Mummy Earth? Well the Phobos Grunt is a probe that's been sent in to gather data for BP & the Reds Under Our Beds but got lathered by the top Yank Curiosity Got The Plank. Why send a robot to do a sentient beings job, right? Arthur C Clark pic#4 went to set up moon base 1 but due to meteorites & asteroids was forced to put it underground on the dark side of the moon. Still, from tiny acorns or l'argent non fait pas la bon vite.     Keep'emPeeled. 

Socrates - Hero!

Taken from the diary of Plato: circa  During the Spartan uprising Socrates was called to fight for his country. Being a coward by nature he formed a strategy of cunning regarding his deployment ( he would hide when battle commenced ). After he went through the tooling up stage where they gave him a spade & strong sandals ( apparently he would help dig trenches? ), he strode forth into the breach, actually it was a beach ( the warship had arrived at The vicinity Lesbos north, a place Socrates pondered would be much nicer if he were with friends, debating wether air was an heavier element than fire? He mused. Yes, if air could be stuck down ( which it can't ), & fire was given an area to cover ( which it won't ) thence a comparison could be made ( which will never happen )? SOCRATES!, someone was shouting his name. He turned, the calling man's head, burst. When a flaming projectile hits a mans head, it , well, bursts! Fire balls flew through the air, everywhere men were running hither & thither. Socrates pondered. Suddenly he was running. Socrates had never ran, at least not since childhood. The clumsy sandals! They got stuck in the sand. He fell, arms flailing! Socrates pulled onto the rope of a mule that was pulling a cart of spears. The rope got tangled in the beasts ballsack. It gave a huge whinney & ran of into a ditch. The cart full of spears, now free, careered down a walkway & off a ridge. As it fell a fireball hit said cart of spears & sent a cascade of burning spears down on the climbing Spartans'! The usually heroic Spartan warriors, on seeing their comrades up ahead screaming in pain with burning spears piercing them each & everyway, panicked. Signals meant to start a wall of bombarding   Logs were sent to the archers ( who fired into the advancing Spartan front ). Believing that the Greeks had somehow sprang an attack from the middle of the Spartan horde, they started to hack at each other!  Chaos reigned & a fleeing man knocked over a table that Upset a buckets of goose fat that caught alight & spread to the Spartan generals tent. This resulted in a scurry of orders involving the Spartans full retreat! As the Spartans scrambled onto their ships, the news of Brave Socrates & his heroic deeds spread through the Athenian forces. "Socrates Defeats Spartans Single-Handed! ". By then of course, Socrates was well on his way home( scurrying from bush to bush , cave to cave ), vowing never to go to wAr ever again.             Subsequently,  Socrates dined frequently with young soldiers who would bring red wine & good meat for him & his woman ( he'd even get some old sandals & pretend they were the ones he wore & sell them to any young fool who had more money than sense ). His wife would cook away happily  in the cucina as he recounted his bravery, which at each telling swelled into even greater deeds! Plato recalled " Socrates never once admitted his slice of luck that day. Only on his deathbed he whispered to me thus the true story as he'd deduced he could not milk it further. He was a canny man.".